Kookfest (Porcfest) 2014
During the first week of July (because one day on July 4th just isn’t close to sufficient), all TRUE Americans celebrate America’s status as God’s chosen people and our supremacy in every fathomable way over every other country ever to exist in the history of the universe. It is how the founding fathers would have wanted it.
But just a week prior, a band of truly UN-American kooks gathers in New Hampshire to celebrate the idea of freedom, or at least what they consider to be freedom. The event is called Porcfest, a gathering of the kookiest kooks of all: those that feel strongly enough about anarchy to actually live it for a week, celebrating hard drugs (marijuana mostly), internet game tokens (bitcoin), poor man’s barbarous relics (silver) and guns.
And it is that last item that initially had me worried, but then…strangely hopeful.
Why hopeful? Have you never considered where all these mass shootings occur??
It is a well known fact that places teeming with guns, such as schools, universities, government post offices, and gun-free theaters also happen to be where most mass shootings take place.
It is also a well known fact that never in history has a gun actually stopped a violent crime (except in the trained hands of your helpful government killer, the police.)
Ipso facto, with all those guns around at Porcfest, soon enough all the kooks will kill each other off in a wave of violence.
When that glorious day comes, TRUE Americans like you and I can finally celebrate the day these anarchic challengers of state propaganda left us alone to truly be ruled by our overlords.
Free at last!